I'm human (most of the time) and am swayed by emotions, and I suppose that any heartfelt eulogy would likely move me to tears. But this was different. Each of my cousin's children stood up in turn and shared some memories and observations of their grandmother. The theme was the same - she was loving, generous, thoughtful and fun. She doted on her grandchildren and was a big part of their lives. She was who they turned to for comfort. These were moving, but no tears yet. Then my sister stood up and shared a memory of hosting the family in our home when they moved back to Chicago from California. She mentioned being the favorite niece (being the first) and I thought I'd lighten the mood by challenging that assertion.
My eulogy was impromptu and unsolicited. I intended to claim that *I* was, in fact, the favored niece because I was the youngest and she had given me a pet name. That's when the tears started. I was practically sobbing out the story of when she went out of her way to make me feel special, because that's just the kind of person she was. My brother, too, gave a eulogy and shared happy memories of our aunt. Afterwards, a cousin on my mother's side came up to me to share a story of when she met my aunt at our home, during one of many visits, and she remarked at how different my mother and my aunt were.
It's not enough to say that they were complete opposites. The effect they had on others was different as well. My adoptive mother died last year too, and at her funeral there were no effusive eulogies from any of her 12 grandchildren. Not one of them stood up to say that they were inspired, supported, or encouraged by their relationship with their grandmother.
I was describing the funeral to one of my daughters and relating the exchange I had with the cousin on my mother's side, who described how my aunt had greeted her with an enthusiastic hug and the overall impression was that my aunt was much more friendly and outgoing than my mother. It was an accurate assessment. The word I used to describe my aunt to my daughter was ebullient, and my daughter shared that she wasn't familiar with the word. For a moment, I was second guessing myself that maybe I'd used the word incorrectly. I looked it up in the dictionary to confirm.
e·bul·lient
/iˈbo͝olyənt,iˈbəlyənt/
adjective
- 1.cheerful and full of energy.
After reading the definition, I half expected to find my aunt's picture there.
I didn't invite my children to the funeral. They had only met my aunt once, at my dad's funeral 15 years earlier; They didn't know her, but how I wish they had.
